What makes good kids?

Starting back here and just for me so I have reminders.  These years are going by quickly....

 

Someone asked me this a few years ago.  The time stamp on this unpublished was April 2017.  I made it current by updating ages but other than that it is untouched.  This will be a good reminder for me to stay the course with Ry & C.

 



 

 

 

Recently I had someone stop me and ask me how Jeremy and I made such good kids.  How is it that they are polite and hard working compared to most other kids in the world we live in today?  What do we do that makes them so good?

 

My response was "Well, I don't know that they are.  I guess they have their days." and kinda smiled the way you do when you don't really know what to say.  His response was "No.  I'm serious.  You have wonderful kids.  I love talking to them every time I see them.  You can tell they are different.  What do you do?"

 

I stopped right there and without thinking started listing a whole slew of things that we have purposefully done over the years. 

 

-I have made a conscience effort since Joshua and Codey were little to ask them a series of open-ended questions about their day.  I was working full time and they were in preschool and private school.  The only way I knew what was going on is if they told me.  By asking them questions every day they were able to tell me the things I wondered about.  Over the years I didn't have to ask the questions anymore, they just offered the information.  Communication was a given.  I continued that with all of our kids.  Today even though we homeschool my kids still offer information about the things they do with the friends, at church, sports, etc.  They do this because we have always had open communication.  One of my questions for them when they were younger was always "What is one thing you did wrong today that could have been done differently?"  I wanted my kids to know two things with this question: 1. We are not perfect.  Nothing ever is and 2. There is always something that could be done different or better to get a more desirable outcome

 

-Our kids don't get cell phones just because.  We have set an age of 14, possibly.  That possibly is if they are working somewhere and they have the phone only when they are working.  Yes, Brogan got her at 14.  She had it because she babysat, refereed and helped at a local restaurant.  She was at home sometimes with the younger ones and we don't have a landline.  No, she didn't have it on her all of the time when she was not doing these things. Sometimes, yes.  Most of the time, no.  Christian is almost 15 and still doesn't have one.  A cell phone is a priveledge, not a right.  It can be a very dangerous tool and we want to protect our children while they are here and teach them responsibility while we can. 

 

-Our kids don't get to drive just because the state law says they can.  Driving is a privelidge.  Just because you are old enough does not mean you are mature enough.  A vehicle can be a dangerous weapon.  Whether you are driving or someone else is.  Before they get behind the wheel of a car we have to know they are mature enough to handle situations that may come up.  We decide that by the decisions that they have made in the past and whether or not they have learned from the good ones and the bad ones.  Each child is a unique creation therefor they don't all get to do things when the others did or do.  One of the boys drove before the other.  That was both a personal decision for him and a parental decision for us.  Could we have MADE him get his license?  Absolutely.  But what is that saying to him?  We want to support our kids in their decisions and help them make important decisions along the way.  Had we forced him to drive just because the state law said he could...well there is trust, openness and willingness to confide and share with us, safety of home and parents, and a whole lot more that goes into it.

 

-Our kids don't get social media until we think they are ready and even then it is given in small amounts.

 

-We are present where our kids are.

 

-I think the most important ones:

We teach our kids to serve and not be served.

 

We teach our kids that the world does not revolve around them.

 

Now, I don't know how many of these have contributed to how they have or are turning out.  Honestly, some of their recent decisions are not ones that we agree with.  They are not bad, just ones that we would have made differently for them.  But, we are not going to agree with all of their decisions.  They are getting to the ages where their decisions are their own.  They have to own them.  They have to live with any regrets, heartache or victories that may come.  This is what we have raised them for.